I’m writing this in the train from Arnhem to Basel. I just visited my wife and the family in the Netherlands. And, of course, my granddaughter, who is about to turn 4 years of age. She’s a bright, young little girl. I still hear her voice ringing in my ears: “Zelf doen…. I’ll do it myself.” Her quest for independence has started significantly and very determinedly.

Getting in and out of the car. Undressing. Dressing. Opening the present. Opening a bottle. Closing a bottle. Getting a bowling ball off the rollers (while grandad fears she’ll drop it on her toes). Making a sandwich. Praying. Biking. Self!

Every parent who has had teenagers in the house or is presently enjoying them, knows that the quest for ‘I’ll do it myself’ only intensifies when they turn the corner of puberty. To culminate in the moment they leave the house and spread their wings.

It is somewhat of an irony that a child we receive, starts off so helpless, so much in need of care and guidance and then, slowly but surely throughout their lives, we need to let go, bit by bit, inch by inch, year by year and help them to become independent from us. Hopefully still in a relationship, but nevertheless independent.

In the same train, I have been preparing my sermon for this upcoming Sunday. We’re starting a new series about the ‘I Am’ statements of Jesus and I’ll be preaching on ‘I Am The Vine’. One of the things that Jesus says in John 15 is: “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from the Father I have made known to you.”

Even Jesus wants us to grow up from servants to friends. He wants us to understand the Father’s business and take responsibility. Zelf doen… do it myself. God doesn’t want us to stay dependent upon him like little children are. He wants us to grow up to be co-labourers, people that understand what God is doing.

So, yes parents, your predominant and God-given task is to help your children grow up into responsible, independent people who can make their own decisions and who don’t need you to weigh in on everything. It is nice and encouraging for them and for you if they want to check in with you from time to time.

For counsellors, psychologists and therapists, it should be a great joy if your ‘patients’ get it and start applying your input, your advice and their self-reflection to their issues and come to the point where they don’t need your help any longer. Cut them loose, let them go, you’ve done what you have been trained to do. Don’t keep them on the hook for more treatment fees!

Same for pastors and pastoral workers; our goal is not to make people dependent on us. It is our goal to make our congregants strong and ‘self-reliant’ for their spiritual nurture and health. If a pastor goes, your spiritual life should remain steady and focused, because you have learned about the source where that pastor got it from!

‘Do it myself’ is a good way to go, if you have paid enough attention how to do it yourself the right way.

I hope to see you Sunday in church, to hear more about Jesus being the true Vine and we as the branches getting our input from Jesus.